i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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