she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
