State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
