Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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