I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
