I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
