i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize