Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
