He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
He felt like a one man threesome
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
