He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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