so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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