she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
