You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
