I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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