the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
