Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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