that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
