he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
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