I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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