I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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