Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
