Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
