Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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