Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
