I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize