there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
