I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
