I wish I only lived at night.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
