OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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