I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My vagina is officially offended.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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