At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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