Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We were destined to go to rehab together
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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