did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
