Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
