hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
