i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
