Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
