No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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