i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I have fence marks all over my body
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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