I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
