I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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