Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
This toilet bowl is my home.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
