He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
