The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Randomize
