My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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