My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
