She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
