Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
