My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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