If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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