Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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