I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
if only i could text you this smell
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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