I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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