Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i need an iv and a liver transplant
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
