so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
