Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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