She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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