So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
