And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
