You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Randomize