i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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