Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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