just come out here and I will go home with you...
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
