Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
