i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
