Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
