When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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