My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
