Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize