Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
