Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
