I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
