is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
