My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
i now understand why vodka
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
