I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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