Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
