he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
