Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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